Where's the Hamburglar when you need him?

PARIS - men's fashion week ss09, 06/27/08 - from The Face Hunter


First, let me start by saying that I haven't wanted to cut myself in a warm bathtub this badly since I heard they weren't making any new episodes of Saved by the Bell.

I never thought I would hate Paris. This guy has raped me of the joy I find in reminiscing about strolling the streets with a hot and crusty crepe in hand. Now I can only envision myself standing in the far corner of the alleyway behind him throwing up blood and Dashboard Confessional records. Why is he Golden Girls on top and Vampire Weekend on the bottom?


Damn these 5-0 pigs for arresting Ronald. If they weren't such sausages they'd realize Ron was just TO'd because his burger got got.


I was really counting on the ole gang to bring the rain on this guy. They may look cute and fluffy, but that's just b/c they're jacked on coke and ready to ride.

I-just-DK, y'all ...

This mutant humanoid is the reason I've decided to become on advocate of global gentrification.



Word to that ...

Things I want to give Sufjan Stevens:

1) An amp
2) Balls
3) A light-up globe with North America cut-out.
4) Angel wing tattoos on his shoulder blades (does he already have these?)
5) Balls
6) An "oops!" baby (Pitchfork spoof not included)
7)
8) An addiction to a hard drug, but not hard enough to get him on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab
9) Balls
10) A poopie diaper (see: #7)
11) Normal human vocal chords
12) A handjob

Things I want to ungive Sufjan Stevens:
1) Gimmicks
2) The shivering boy he's hiding in his basement
3) A clitoris (see: previous post)
4) A mop (see: #10 via #7)
5)

Fruit of the Loom

Oh okay. Now I get it.

A Prime Example of Why I Hate Being Scotch-Irish

Everything about this is perfect. I'll go out on a delicious muffin-top limb and say it's transcendental. I'm floating outside myself wearing a much darker skinsuit and slapping my own ass.

Not Sexy:


OMG - Woah - Sexy:


Thank goodness for spray-on ethnicity.

Myspace prooves superior in friendship strengthening capalitites once more aka Top 10 Reasons Why Maggy and I Have an Unbreakable Bond of Friendship

Original Text:
top 10 reasons suzanna best is lame!!
Current mood: ninja

1. she goes on peoples blogs and tears them up completely
2. she tries really hard to wear the cutest/coolest clothes out of everyone on the earth.
3. she makes fun of blogs when SHE HAS HER OWN!!and its super WITY
4. she dyes her hair blonde
5. she listens to REALLY hip and cool obscure music.
6. she hates dogs and lives in a big city so it works out PERFECT
7. she is terrified of plastic bags and yells at you if you try and give her one and cowers in a corner crying!
8. she is too cool to take pictures of touristy/untouristy shit in a city! gotta keep that "i dont care bout nothin'" image going.
9. she cries every night STILL begging for Tupac to come back and lay by her side.
10. shes emo


i hope my currently playing is hip enough for me to be listening to! i think im going to go drink some tea by myself and give my dog her acne medicine and step in dog shit again like last night in my bare feet and treat my chiggers. get ready n ashville here i come. nashville NOT new york!! BOOOO NEW YORK!

Translation:
Let's recap -
1. I grammatically improve upon my friend's blogs
2. I enjoy being an individual and I am mindful of all other cultures in that persuit
3. My blog is super wit(T)y
4. I like to have a good time
5. I have refined musical taste
6. I help the environment by using public transportation and not owning a pest
7. I help the environment part II
8. My visual capacity is strong enough to maintain moments that may proove to be fleeting for the average, unattentive passer-by. Also, I am carefree.
9. I am eternally loyal and passionate about the ones I love
10. I am sensitive, attentive and intune with my emotions

Thanks again, Maggy. Your unfaltering love and encouragement have made me who I am today (see 1 - 10 for explanation of who I am today). I have learned yet another valuable lesson from you through your financial aptitude as you know that by signign a lease in Nashville ... you are indeed moving there and not New York City. Enjoy your tea and I llve you with all of my heart.

I got it from the Russians

Professional Translations

Original Text:it was a fabulous night.
The night before was just insane though.
We went to THE SOCIAL HOUSE, its a sushi restaurant at TI, we got the "CELEBRITY DINNER", its usually $200 a person, 6 course dinner with flowing sake, we payed $50 a person, then we went to PRIVE, got a table and bottles, closed it down, then went to SEEMLESS, and club/strip club and we were there till 8:30, brody jenner was in the booth next to us, and then we went to Mcdonalds and crashed ! lol

Translation:
It was a pre-fabricated, unoriginal night.
The night before was a complete gang bang including my wallet and my credit card.
We went to CAN YOU HEAR ME- OH GOD AM I COOL? , it’s a stereotypical sushi restaurant on the west coast, we got the "I'M A NOBODY AND I HATE IT SO I'LL SPEND MONEY LIKE I'M ACTUALLY WORTH SOMETHING DINNER," its usually incredibly over-priced for tiny pieces of raw meat on cheap rice one after the other with I still piss my bed, we payed too much per person considering the table of pretentious douche bags, then we went to I KEEP READING ABOUT THIS IN THE TABLOIDS B/C PATHETIC WANNABES ARE HAVING A BLAST HERE, got a table and bottles b/c I had $900 worth of hair gel working, they kicked us out, then went to PERVERT, and the only time I'll ever see titties club and we were there until most American children are waking up to get a legitimate education and make something of themselves, a D-list nobody was in the booth next to us, and then we went back to where we belonged- mcdonalds

Original Text II:
the amount of dates i have gone on is insane.
(2:25:54 PM): and im feeling pretty good.
i got wound up in the emotion of the concert, the music, garth brooks, it was the emotion. Then my ego got involved. And thats what made it difficult

Translation II:
The amount of date-rape pills I have bought is lethal
(2:25:54 PM): and im running out fast
I got blue balls like you wouldn't believe, the manpants, Chris Gaines, it was the thought of his package. Then my hand got involved. And that’s what made it blow.

XXX BLOGUENDOS XXX

1. She was really boring, so I just went home and blogged.
2. Oops - I just got my blog stuck on your screen.
3. His blog is huge - he's practically a celebrity.
4. Just let me know before you blog.
5. I thought about you while I was blogging.
6. He only has one blog. He used to have two, but one was kind of a dud.
7. I didn't want him to see my blog, so I blacked-out the monitor.
8. I don't like the way he watches me blog.
9. He's just so good in blog.
10. I thought he was amazing until I saw his blog.
11. She's not that picky. She's blogged for tons of people ... guys and girls.
12. I got a new blog ... it only takes me 2 minutes to upload now.
13. He told me I needed to spend more time on his blog.


Easy ways to get comfortable with your blog!

Little Sammy and Little Sally learn about the blogs and the keys!


Thomas blogged with three girls at once!



Anyone can blog.








If you're feeling nervous - have someone you love help you relax before you blog.



If you still find it difficult to blog - don't be afraid to ask for help keeping in mind that there are plenty of anonymous helplines.



Finally, make sure your mouse is securely plugged in. Then, move it around slowly until you hit the right blogspot.




ENJOY!

Simple Mathematics

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Lingualution

IDK - my bff Jill?
IDK - my bff Jill?
IDK - my bff Jill?
IDK - my bff Jill?
IDK - my bff Jill?
IDK - my bff Jill?