Ms. Leo: A Nursery Rhyme

Ms. Leo lived in a brothel,
ruffles on her collars
and the corners of her dollars.
She collected acrylic butterflies -
tiny, cracked wings so still
in shiny cases on the windowsill.
She hummed unwritten tunes
to the lake gliding loons
dreading Autumn’s chilling numb,
as their departure would soon come.

Ms. Leo never wore her do undone,
her curls pushed high in a strangling bun.
She kept net bonnets for cooking dinner
her once thick hair grew quickly thinner.
Minced meat pea and plenty of rye
she sipped chilled wine,
nothing fancy but just fine.

At the strike of 9 then 10 then 2
she applied her cheeks with deep, red rouge
and buckled up her high heeled shoes.
Ears fastened tight with her finest gems
and Vaseline lotion smoothing her limbs,
she walked into the dim lit den
to wait in line for paying men.

She purred and cooed with all her might
to rid them of their appetites -
one then another, but never more than twice -
for Ms. Leo led an honest life,
and certainly she was no man’s wife.

Macintarnish: A Silent(ish) Film Tribute to the Numbered Days of Our Most Beloved Lover

Lollipops a Menace to Innocense or Suckers: A Serious Female Addiction

Once a simple, childhood treat ... the lollipop is now the 21st Century's most notorious lady killer. It's no surprise, but no less saddening, that such a sugary delight has become one of my generations most sought after sexual icons.



Take a look at the phenomenon's humble beginnings:



A leisurely afternoon snack has become a favorite fetish for deviants and predators:



Even worse, it is a life threatening addiction for many of Hollywood's most fragile stars:


... so daunting it drags their love ones down the same path:


This candy is rapidly souring our youth ... look at this little girl's harrowing portrayal of early childhood addiction and her devastating withdrawal symptoms as her drug of choice is torn from her mouth, leaving her naked and thrashing:


This shocking cartoon depicts how one devil possessed lollipop turned a preteen boys fingers into tiny penises:


In response to this growing epidemic, several religious groups have been working hard to reclaim the innocent treat's identity ... hoping to purify and thus save the delicacy.





I certainly hope they act fast as this unparalleled threat to chastity has exceeded our borders and has already made it's way to certain parts of Asia and even France!:



This earth-shattering addiction is most rampant among females, and men continue to glorify and exploit this devastating truth by further solidifying us as sexual objects.

Here are just a few music videos that support this theory:







Saddening evidence of women victimized by their disease when tempted with the promise of fame one lollipop at a time:



America's perversion of a favorite childhood numnum through pop culture brainwashing tactics must be stopped!





If you or someone you know has a problem putting down the sucker he or she may be seriously addicted or on a dangerous path to becoming a nymphomaniac. With your love and concern, you could help stop another life from being ruined by lollipops.

SOMEONE HELP KARL LAGERFELD!!!

Why the hell did they open the lost ark with Klag in the room?







This sucks ... now who's going to carry-on the legacy of pleated, leather bags with gold chain straps? - oh ... nevermind.

In other news ... Klag has eye balls? NEAT!


This pic is also concrete evidence that Klag's face has actually been melting off since the 80s.

Where's the Hamburglar when you need him?

PARIS - men's fashion week ss09, 06/27/08 - from The Face Hunter


First, let me start by saying that I haven't wanted to cut myself in a warm bathtub this badly since I heard they weren't making any new episodes of Saved by the Bell.

I never thought I would hate Paris. This guy has raped me of the joy I find in reminiscing about strolling the streets with a hot and crusty crepe in hand. Now I can only envision myself standing in the far corner of the alleyway behind him throwing up blood and Dashboard Confessional records. Why is he Golden Girls on top and Vampire Weekend on the bottom?


Damn these 5-0 pigs for arresting Ronald. If they weren't such sausages they'd realize Ron was just TO'd because his burger got got.


I was really counting on the ole gang to bring the rain on this guy. They may look cute and fluffy, but that's just b/c they're jacked on coke and ready to ride.

I-just-DK, y'all ...

This mutant humanoid is the reason I've decided to become on advocate of global gentrification.



Word to that ...

Things I want to give Sufjan Stevens:

1) An amp
2) Balls
3) A light-up globe with North America cut-out.
4) Angel wing tattoos on his shoulder blades (does he already have these?)
5) Balls
6) An "oops!" baby (Pitchfork spoof not included)
7)
8) An addiction to a hard drug, but not hard enough to get him on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab
9) Balls
10) A poopie diaper (see: #7)
11) Normal human vocal chords
12) A handjob

Things I want to ungive Sufjan Stevens:
1) Gimmicks
2) The shivering boy he's hiding in his basement
3) A clitoris (see: previous post)
4) A mop (see: #10 via #7)
5)

Fruit of the Loom

Oh okay. Now I get it.